


Dear Heather McNamara,

by goldenheartprincess



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, but angsty, diverts slightly from canons, idk how it's gonna end, texting fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2018-11-15 17:43:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11236005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenheartprincess/pseuds/goldenheartprincess
Summary: Heather McNamara and Zoe Murphy form an unlikely online friendship and find comfort in each other as people in their lives seemingly end theirs.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm genuinely shocked I actually wrote and then FINISHED a fic, but I couldn't have/wouldn't have done it without the support of you guys, telling me how much you liked it and that you wanted more. Seriously; the way into the hearts of your fave fic writers are to leave comments. Tell us what you want to see and what you liked and we'll give you more. It's that easy, and that's what this fic taught me.  
> It also taught me that as long as you validate me, I'll write things that I'm not comfortable with. I shouldn't write this in an intro when I want you to read my fic, but I don't like Dear Evan Hansen. I think it's a horrible show and I just wrote this because I knew if I threw Heathers and Dear Evan Hansen together, I would get a lot of comments and kudos and I would feel validated. Looking back, it wasn't worth it. I thought you should know that.  
> \- goldenheartprincess, 7/27/18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Heather first message each other.

sunday 6:17 pm

zmurphy123: hey this is @zmurph on tumblr if you couldn’t tell lol and i saw your post about always being there if someone needs you and if this isn’t too weird then i think i need you

heathermac: of course!!!! hi!!!!! whats up?????

zmurphy123: my brother is digging through this ring of keys that my parents have for every room in the house and he’s trying to get into my room and he’s yelling and my parents aren’t home and i’m really scared

heathermac: omg!!! im sorry that this is happening to you. is there any way you can call your parents????

zmurphy123: no i left my phone on the couch and im not in the position rn to go get it

zmurphy123: hes running out of possible keys

zmurphy123: fuck fuck fuck

heathermac: okay deep breaths!!! when are your parents coming home?

zmurphy123: he’s

heathermac: hello???? are you there??? are you okay???

heathermac: is everything alright???

zmurphy123: yeah sorry about that i got him to leave

zmurphy123: it’s amazing what a bag of cheetos can do for a high kid

heathermac: thank god you’re okay!!!!

heathermac: you have no reason to apologize that wasn’t your fault

zmurphy123: sorry

heathermac: it’s okay. really. 

zmurphy123: i’m zoe btw

heathermac: nice to meet you zoe 

heathermac: i’m heather, obviously

heathermac: but it’s really complicated because in my school there are three heathers and we’re all really popular and stuff.

zmurphy123: popularity is a foreign concept to me

heathermac: huh, that’s weird. being popular is easy. any reason why you’re not????

zmurphy123: im in jazz band

heathermac: yeah, that’ll be it.

zmurphy123: thanks for helping me thought it means a lot i dont really have anyone to talk to in my life and connor (my brother) does this sort of thing a lot and my parents dont really care as long as hes alive

zmurphy123: and even then i dont know if they care

heathermac: how could they not care????

zmurphy123: idk he threatened to kill himself one time and my dad said he was so desperate for attention that he was willing to scare the life out of my mom but i dont know how much more attention he could possibly need

zmurphy123: either way hes a monster

heathermac: he sounds like it. i’m sorry that you have to put up with that. i’m an only child, but my parents are divorced and my mom drinks a lot.

zmurphy123: if you ever need anything either then im always right here for you

monday 2:34 am

heathermac: zoe zoe zoe

heathermac: zoe

heathermac: we’re friends now, right?

heathermac: sorry that’s weird, never mind

monday 6:02 am

zmurphy123: i guess were friends so thats not weird at all

zmurphy123: why were you up at 2 am

heathermac: i was trying to figure out if we were friends

monday 3:12 pm

heathermac: zoezozeozoeeozeozoe

heathermac: and it’s weird again

heathermac: zoe i made a friend today and her name isn’t heather!!!!!!

zmurphy123: thats exciting what is it

heathermac: v e r o n i c a

heathermac: it’s so very and beautiful and rolls off the tongue

heathermac: did i mention that i like girls???

zmurphy123: not to me but i sort of could tell from your blog

heathermac: did i mention girls or something on it???

zmurphy123: the title of your blog is “i am yellow and gay”

heathermac: ….oh yeah….

heathermac: anyway can i gush about veronica to you???

zmurphy123: sure if you want i mean im not gay but friends talk about crushes so sure

heathermac: OKAY SO she’s really smart and talks about plays and stuff i’ve never heard of or know how to pronounce but we met in the bathroom because she faked us (me, heather, and heather) a hall pass!!!! she can do other people’s handwriting and i can barely spell my name sometimes

heathermac: for example, when i made this screenname, i forgot that my last name was 

spelled mcnamara instead of macnamara

heathermac: anyway…

heathermac: i told her that she had a beautiful face

zmurphy123: thats so sweet omg

heathermac: not really because the way i worded it may have seemed a little…. not sweet

zmurphy123: wtf what did you say

heathermac: something along the lines of “you’re face is symmetrical and if i had a meat cleaver to chop it in half the halves would match and that’s important”

heathermac: that is important, right?

zmurphy123: lol maybe to some people i guess

heathermac: whatever we’re on our way to heather’s house to give her a makeover right now because her current wardrobe looks like she found it in the reject pile of the salvation army

zmurphy123: does the salvation army have a reject pile?

heathermac: not anymore because it’s in veronica’s closet

zmurphy123: lol i gtg my mom made some vegan gluten free shitty ass dinner

tuesday 11:24 am

zmurphy123: heather get online

zmurphy123: this is serious something happened

heathermac: i’m here for you. what’s up?

zmurphy123: it’s connor

heathermac: what did he do? did he hurt you?   
zmurphy123: i can’t tell yet

zmurphy123: he killed himself

heathermac: oh my god

zmurphy123: i know. i got pulled out of school during math today and my parents were in the principal's office

zmurphy123: so of course i thought that i was in trouble and then my mom just started crying

zmurphy123: and she wouldn't stop and my dad just looked at me and whispered

zmurphy123: your brother killed himself this morning

heathermac: zoe.... i don't even know what to say... i've never been in a situation like this before

zmurphy123: do you want to hear the worst part of all?

heathermac: if you want to tell me, yes.

zmurphy123: im not sad

heathermac: what?

zmurphy123: im not sad

zmurphy123: connor was an awful person and i hated him when he was alive so why should i love him because hes dead? im not going to pretend we were best friends just because hes gone

heathermac: did he have any friends???

zmurphy123: i didnt think so but apparently he had a note in his pocket addressed to this kid at my school named evan

zmurphy123: ive never seen him nice to evan

zmurphy123: he shoved the kid into the wall yesterday for fucks sake

heathermac: it's hard to believe they were friends then

zmurphy123: exactly

zmurphy123: thanks for listening i guess

heathermac: you're welcome. i can only imagine that this is tough for you. not because he's gone, but because you don't know how to feel. 

heathermac: i can't imagine losing anyone in my school, let alone someone i knew.

zmurphy123: i guess that i didnt know him

zmurphy123: i mean he had this secret friend that i had no clue about

heathermac: do you know this evan kid???

zmurphy123: not really

zmurphy123: hes really quiet and awkward and shy and he likes jazz i guess

heathermac: see, i want to make a bee movie joke, but i feel like maybe that would be in bad taste

zmurphy123: do it

heathermac: ya like jazz?

zmurphy123: incredible

heathermac: y a l i k e j a z z ? ? ?

zmurphy123: w h y s p a c e s

heathermac: i t s  f a n c y

zmurphy123: can we go back to talking about connor

zmurphy123: sorry i just

heathermac: no no no it's totally fine we can talk about him as long as you need to

heathermac: we have an english quiz tomorrow but it doesn't matter because i didn't study anyway. oops.

zmurphy123: you're the best

zmurphy123: what should i be feeling rn

heathermac: google says guilt. especially if the loved one had a mental illness or a substance abuse problem

zmurphy123: 'loved' is a strong word

zmurphy123: and as for mental illness i guess maybe he had one

zmurphy123: i almost miss him

heathermac: but you don't.

zmurphy123: thats where the guilt comes in

heathermac: google says that the guilt is more because people think that they could have stopped it

heathermac: you couldn't have stopped it

zmurphy123: i cant say for sure if i would have tried

heathermac: how did you react when he threatened it the first time??? if you're okay with telling me, that is

zmurphy123: i sort of blocked it out

zmurphy123: if i pretended that he never mentioned suicide then he never mentioned it

zmurphy123: 'suicide' feels like a curse word and im not even saying it out loud

heathermac: i think that's also normal probably. are your parents getting you a therapist or everything?

zmurphy123: i dont think so

zmurphy123: i think my mom will end up using this as something to 'bring the family closer together'

heathermac: that's sort of shitty

zmurphy123: whatever she can cope however she wants as long as im not included

heathermac: are you feeling any better?? or different, i guess??

zmurphy123: i think maybe im feeling

zmurphy123: thanks for talking to me

heathermac: it's no problem but ms fleming is coming around to collect our phones for a pop quiz so i have to go

heathermac: text me tonight, please. i want to talk later. i want to be here for you.

zmurphy123: thank you for that

zmurphy123: remember that i'm here for you too, to repay the favor

wednesday 4:57pm

heathermac: hey, how are you feeling?

zmurphy123: im not

heathermac: still?

zmurphy123: the parents already made me go back to school and if connor thought he was making the world a better place by leaving he was dead wrong

heathermac: god, i hope that pun was unintended

zmurphy123: everyone suddenly thinks that theyre my best friend and that im going to burst out into tears at any given moment so they can swoop in and be the hero

zmurphy123: once they figure out that im not upset then theyll all leave

heathermac: i hope you know that i'm not leaving, even if you never burst out into tears

zmurphy123: and if i do?

heathermac: i will dry them the best i can. we're friends, zoe. friends are the best things a girl can have- and that's coming from someone who's dad sells engagement rings.

zmurphy123: what does that have to do with anything

heathermac: he manages to convince thousands of men a year that the most important part of their relationship is the ring, and that the most important part of their life is their romantic relationship. but it's friends. i don't know i'm just babbling at this point.

zmurphy123: no thats cool i like that

heathermac: really? most of my friends talk over me before i can say stuff like this because it doesn't make sense to them.

zmurphy123: it makes sense to me

zmurphy123: ive been meaning to ask about your friends actually

zmurphy123: are you all really named heather

heathermac: oh yeah! it's the craziest thing because heather's not even that popular of a name but we all share it. there's me, heather duke, and heather chandler.

zmurphy123: thats so statistically unlikely omg

zmurphy123: is it confusing?

heathermac: sometimes, but it's never really a problem because we're such CLOSE friends. like, if heather says, "heather, bend over", we know that it's duke because duke always bends over.

heathermac: that sounded a lot better in my head.

zmurphy123: lol so many heathers

zmurphy123: i'm the only zoe in my school i think

zmurphy123: and i guess i'm the only murphy in my school too

heathermac: ZOE

heathermac: TOO SOON

zmurphy123: oops

heathermac: i hope things get better for you though. i can't imagine if something like that happened to me.

zmurphy123: do you have any enemies?

heathermac: huh, i don't know. i'm sure a lot of people don't like me because i'm popular and pretty and rich, but i don't hate any of them. i have to go tho i have croquet with the girls

wednesday 9:56

zmurphy123: how was croquet?

heathermac: pretty good, i almost one. then heather kicked my ball out of the way.

zmurphy123: i didnt even know people still played croquet other than old ladies

heathermac: it's a fun way to pass the time. and to talk shit about people. there's this kid that got into a fight the other day and veronica was totally drooling over him.

zmurphy123: wait don't you like her

heathermac: yeah, but i don't even know if she likes girls. and if this mysterious loner makes her happy, then so be it. i think he's trouble though.

zmurphy123: sounds like my brother

heathermac: i'm sure he had his moments- don't you think you owe it to him to at least try to remember him positively???

zmurphy123: are you serious?

zmurphy123: he's a fucking monster and one of the worst things that ever happened to me

zmurphy123: i still cant hear a door shut without jumping

heathermac: sorry, zoe i didn't mean it like that

zmurphy123: you just thought that everyone deserves to be remembered positively, right?

heathermac: well, yeah

zmurphy123: you try being afraid to sleep at night because connor bought a new knife and already carved his name into the dining room table

heathermac: i'm not saying that what he did wasn't bad, but he had to have done some good in his life. everyone does a little bit of good.

zmurphy123: everyone except for connor

zmurphy123: nobody misses him, nobody liked him, and he never deserved to be liked

heathermac: he had to have been nice growing up though, right?

zmurphy123: he ignored me for the first four years of my life because he thought that i would go back to the hospital

zmurphy123: and after that he spent the next four years trying to get rid of me

zmurphy123: when i was seven, he locked me in a bathroom at subway and tried to get my parents to drive home without me

heathermac: so he was a little jealous at the attention. he couldn't have been a bad person because bad people don't exist. especially at such a young age.

zmurphy123: Heather, he was a piece of shit. He was a bad person. I know that's hard for your sunshiney lemon self to understand when your head is so far up your ass, but he fucking sucked. 

heathermac: zoe i was just trying to help

zmurphy123: I don't need your help anymore.

zmurphy123: There's nothing wrong. I've never been happier.

zmurphy123: Go back to Disneyworld and leave me the fuck alone.

heathermac: are you sure? i'll always be here.

heathermac: you know i don't think you're a bad person either.

zmurphy123: WELL MAYBE I AM

heathermac: zoe, you're not a bad person

zmurphy123: Yeah? 

zmurphy123: you make me want to be

zmurphy123 has blocked you


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I PROMISE SOME DAY I WILL GIVE MY BABES HAPPINESS  
> BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY  
> also massive trigger warning rape mention!!!!!!

friday 11:33 pm

heathermac: what lee;of of frienshp are we at???

zmurphy123: what do you mean?

heathermac: are we at the ;ebel of friendship where i can tel you abot my sexsa life?

zmurphy123: i didnt even know you had a sex life

zmurphy123: sure i guess whats up

heathermac: well< i'ma at the linebacker'se homecoming party and i'm in the bedrooam with the quatberack and obviously i just gaee him a bj

zmurphy123: obviously?

zmurphy123: what's obvious about that?

zmurphy123: how much did you drink?

heathermac: nothings i am  CHILD AOF  GOD

zmurphy123: okay and jesus turned water into wine so that's no excuse

zmurphy123: you need to leave the room before anything more happens

zmurphy123: heather????

zmurphy123: heather teXT BACK DAMMIT

zmurphy123: fuck it

zmurphy123: you're going to hate me tomorrow

 

saturday 12:00 am

zmurphy123: are you at the party with heather?

zmurphy123: i'm friends with her

howveryonica: Why are you friends with any of the heathers??? They're fucking cunts

zmurphy123: i can't tell if you're drunk or a bitch

howveryonica: I think i'm high??? I had some weed but i don't know if that's worn off yet But I also drank a little bit Except then i threw up so most of it's out of my system Who are you????

zmurphy123: im an internet friend of heather mcnamara's

howveryonica: Oh she's the nice heather

zmurphy123: duly noted

zmurphy123: i need you to go into the linebackers bedroom because heather is in there with the quarterback and shes very drunk and doing god knows what

howveryonica: Im on it I was going to leave soon anyway because Im absolutely never going to be invited back here again

zmurphy123: why?

howveryonica: Because i puked on heather chandler and told her to lick it up

zmurphy123: holy shit

howveryonica: I know

saturday 1:34 am

howveryonica: I just dropped heather at her house She should be fine

zmurphy123: thank you so much!is she okay right now though?

howveryonica: Im not sure if its my place to tell you this or if she'll even remember in the morning but she was definitely raped by kurt kelly, the quarterback

zmurphy123: dammit

howveryonica: Dammit indeed I have to go thought Im at a friends house

zmurphy123: stay safe!!!!

 

saturday 1:44

zmurphy123: hey hows it going?

zmurphy123: i hope youre asleep

zmurphy123: text me in the morning heather

saturday 10:59 am

heathermac: holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit

zmurphy123: did veronica tell you about what happened last night?

heathermac: WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT

heathermac: DID IT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH WHAT HAPPENED THIS MORNING

heathermac: WHEN DID YOU TALK TO VERONICA

heathermac: HOLY SHIT DID YOU TALK TO HEATHER

zmurphy123: what are you talking about calm down

heathermac: DONT FUCKING TELL ME TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN

heathermac: MY BEST FRIEND IS DEAD ZOE

zmurphy123 wait what

heathermac: THEY FOUND HER IN HER BEDROOM THIS MORNING

heathermac: i can't stop sobbing ffuck

zmurphy123: wait which heather what happened

heathermac: my mom just got a call from the chandlers- heather drank a glass of drain cleaner this morning while her parents were off with her grandma

heathermac: she fucking killed herself

heathermac: she left me

zmurphy123: oh my god heather im so sorry

heathermac: its not your fault

heathermac: i can t believe we have something in common and it's this

zmurphy123: it's not too much in common

zmurphy123: i mean you liked heather

heathermac: i did

heathermac: but im almost relieved and i hate myself for it

zmurphy123: i felt that way too

zmurphy123: veronica told me that heather wasn't super thrilled last night with her

heathermac: yeah wait what's this about you talking to veronica????

zmurphy123: after you drunk texted me last night, i found out her skype and texted her to go and save you

heathermac: from what?????

zmurphy123: kurt kelly

heathermac: i vaguely recall???? but i only remember having sex with kurt; i don't remember needing to be rescued from him

zmurphy123: drunk sex = rape

zmurphy123: so yeah you needed to be rescued

heathermac: i can handle myself

zmurphy123: i see where this is going

zmurphy123: you do not get to push me away right now

zmurphy123: i am the best friend you have right now

heathermac: as if! i have veronica and she actually knows me. i have heather and she's been with me since preschool.

zmurphy123: but you don't have chandler anymore

heathermac: IM PERFECTLY FUCKING AWARE OF THAT

zmurphy123: you know what?

zmurphy123: maybe you do have chandler

zmurphy123: maybe you're just coming up with this whole fucking story to teach me a lesson about grieving over my own loss

zmurphy123: about how bad people are good and good people can be bad

heathermac: how fucking dare you

heathermac: i just lost my best fucking friend and you have the nerve to call me a liar?

zmurphy123: yeah, i fucking do. what are the odds that we both lose our best friends and our worst enemies in the same week that we become friends?

heathermac: PRETTY FUCKING BIG BECAUSE IT FUCKING HAPPENED

zmurphy123: you know what

zmurphy123: go back to your other friends

zmurphy123: you dont need me and i dont need you

zmurphy123: we were better off without each other

heathermac: i agree

heathermac: but you dont have any other friends, and as awful as you make me feel sometimes (like right now for example), you deserve to have a shoulder to cry on

zmurphy123: i have one. his name is evan.

heathermac: the socially anxious little shit with the world's most obvious crush on you? have fun

heathermac has blocked you

 

saturday 11:23 am

zmurphy123: DAMMIT EVAN WE'RE FIGHTING AGAIN

evansen: Really? What about?

zmurphy123: supposedly her best friend committed suicide this morning

evansen: That's statistically unlikely, but still very possible.

evansen: I'm not saying that I don't believe you, of course, it's just possible.

zmurphy123: why the fuck would someone else committ suicide while im still grieving

evansen: You're grieving?

zmurphy123: i guess

zmurphy123: maybe

zmurphy123: if he really loved me

evansen: He did.

zmurphy123: then yep im grieving

evansen: Stay right there, I'm coming over. You're not alone.

zmurphy123: my parents aren't here though

evansen: You will be found, Zoe.

 

saturday 11:23 am

heathermac: DAMMIT VERONICA WE'RE FIGHTING AGAIN

howveryonica: Who??? Again???

heathermac: me and zoe

heathermac: you know, the one you talked to without consulting me

howveryonica: SHE contacted ME and YOU were in danger

howveryonica: So yeah, i talked to her

heathermac: having an active sex life isn't dangerous!!!! why tf do you people keep saying that!?!?!

howveryonica: Because it was rape?

howveryonica: Thats not important right now

howveryonica: How are you holding up

heathermac: awful. im the least mentally stable person in the entire world right now. i just cant believe shes gone.

howveryonica: Do you want to talk about it

heathermac: yeah, a bit. i just never knew about her pain or that she was so sad inside. her mom emailed me a copy of the note. i didn't even know that she knew the word myriad. i don't even know the word myriad.

howveryonica: Yeah the note was beautifully written There's nothing you could have done

heathermac: thats what i told zoe. did she tell you that her brother killed himself a few days ago?

howveryonica: No thats awful

heathermac: yeah, so she thinks that i'm lying about heather dying for attention because it's "too much of a coincidence"

heathermac: veronica???

heathermac: VERONICA

heathermac: I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU'RE MESSAGING HER RIGHT NOW

 

saturday 11:38 am

howveryonica: Hey zoe i just want you to know that heather chandler is legit dead and you should talk to heather mcnamara again

zmurphy123: sorry it took me a few hours to reply i was busy

zmurphy123: im still somewhat upset at her because shes in denial about what happened with kurt

howveryonica: Yeah i talked to her about it and she's convinced that it's normal But like i walked in on them It's not normal

zmurphy123: exactly

zmurphy123: illl go talk to her

howveryonica: Good luck

saturday 1:18 pm

heathermac has unblocked you

zmurphy123: sorry for not believing you

zmurphy123: that was really shitty of me

heathermac: and????

zmurphy123: will you forgive me???

heathermac: i'm waiting on the second half of the apology. you know, about fucking me up more by trying to tell me that i was raped.

zmurphy123: you mean i should apologize for telling the truth

zmurphy123: oh great heather who knowth all

zmurphy123: i, a poor peasant, apologizes for telling you that BOY TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOU

heathermac has blocked you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rip everyone  
> *begs for comments and kudos but mostly comments so i dont go crazy*  
> what veronica says: im at a friends house  
> what she means: IVE DECIDED I MUST RIDE YOU TILL I BREAK YOU


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the girls become friends again and this doesnt end with them hating each other.... at least, zoe and mcnamara....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this update took so long and it's so short! i've been away at camp and just not in a mood to write for a while. TRIGGER WARNINGS suicide a lot and rape mention. theres some feels in here but not as many as usual

saturday 1:58 pm

zmurphy123: that did not go well

howveryonica: What happened

zmurphy123: i refused to apologize for telling her she got raped and that makes me a bad person

howveryonica: Oh god I'll talk to her tomorrow Yall have got to stop blocking each other all the time Its getting really annoying and solves nothing

zmurphy123: im just so sick of always feeling like im the bad guy

zmurphy123: like dammit i try to always do whats right

zmurphy123: but whenever i do the universe punishes me

howveryonica: The universe isnt punishing you Its teaching you

zmurphy123: the fuck am i supposed to learn

howveryonica: Lmao I dont know That was all the wisdom i got Sometimes people just suck

zmurphy123: tell me about it

zmurphy123: actually can you tell me about it

zmurphy123: tell me about heather chandler

howveryonica: She was a mythic bitch and i mean that in the nicest way possible She spent every waking moment terrorizing those who didnt give a fuck about the pyramid of popularity and even managed to terrorize some of us in our sleep

zmurphy123: do you think that she was redeemable

howveryonica: I think that everyone is to an extent She tragically took her own life before we got to see if she could change Maybe should could have brought about world peace but now we'll never know

zmurphy123: and what if she never did anything huge for people

zmurphy123: is it good that shes dead then?

howveryonica: I dont think so I have to see her family at the funeral and they just lost their daughter because they didnt do enough to keep her alive, or at least thats what theyll think Either way the damage she could have done while she was alive is nothing compared to the damage that shes doing dead, to her family

zmurphy123: what if her family doesnt care

zmurphy123: what if nobody in her life cared

howveryonica: Zoe are you okay This sounds very serious all of a sudden

zmurphy123: yeah im fine im just thinking about my brother

zmurphy123: i dont know if heather told you but he killed himself about a week ago

howveryonica: Oh my god im so sorry 

zmurphy123: its okay

howveryonica: If you dont mind me asking are you the family that doesnt care

zmurphy123: yeah

zmurphy123: i havent cried once since he died

howveryonica: Maybe youre just not an emotional person

zmurphy123: no i cry when i see those dog commercials with the doggos in cages that you can save for 'just pennies a day'

zmurphy123: IN THE ARMS OF AN ANGEL

howveryonica: To be fair everyone cries at those commercials

howveryonica: Ive got to haul ass if i want to make it to chandlers house to help box up her things She wanted it all donated to goodwill 

zmurphy123: connor never told us what to do with his stuff

zmurphy123: i wonder what he would have wanted

 

saturday 3:42 pm

zmurphy123: evan

zmurphy123: what would connor have wanted us to with all of his stuff

evansen: What do you mean?

zmurphy123: like do you know if he want all of his clothes donated to goodwill or like kept in his room as a memorial or burned or what

evansen: I don't know, Zoe. I don't think he was really thinking that far ahead. Are you sure you want to talk about this?   
zmurphy123: yeah

zmurphy123: my brother woke up one day and thought to himself, "life sucks. im out."

zmurphy123: he knowingly ended his life and left his family with nothing but a letter to you

zmurphy123: and thats why i think i truly hate him

zmurphy123: not because of the shit he did to me

zmurphy123: but because of what he didnt

evansen: I don't understand; are you mad at him for not saying goodbye? Because I told you, he just didn't know how. But he cared so much.

zmurphy123: but he didnt tell me

zmurphy123: if he cared so much, he should have told me

zmurphy123: i want to have heard it from him

evansen: But you can't. He's gone.

zmurphy123: i know

zmurphy123: i guess i just wish the letter was directed to me instead

zmurphy123: is that awful?

evansen: No, of course not! You're not awful. Never. That's like, physically impossible for you to say something awful.

zmurphy123: thanks it means a lot

 

saturday 6:37 pm

howveryonica: So that was fun

heathermac: totally. hope those rotten fucking kids enjoy their gucci pumps.

howveryonica: You seem a little distressed What's bothering you

heathermac: my dead best friend, perhaps. 

heathermac: but like in all seriousness, we knew heather chandler. it is so unlike her to donate all of her shit. it's so weird that she didn't like, give it to betty finn on the grounds of "charity". but to just be blindly kind isn't how she was. i mean, dont get me wrong, i loved her. but generosity wasnt her strong suit.

howveryonica: I never thought of it that way Maybe she had a change of heart Or just didn't want to be remembered as shitty as she was

heathermac: she wasn't shitty. she was incredible. just.. only to the people she cared about. 

howveryonica: And to the peole she didn't, she was shitty Trust me i was on that side of things for years It's not fun

heathermac: but know that you know her, you don't think she's shitty, right?   
howveryonica: It's not a thing about getting to know her when her personality literally shifts depending on if she think someone deserves her respect

heathermac: you didnt answer the question

howveryonica: Im aware

heathermac: do you think she's a shitty person?

howveryonica: No of course not

heathermac: tell me the truth, sawyer

howveryonica: I think she's a mythic bitch

heathermac has blocked you

 

saturday 7:01 pm

heathermac has unblocked you

heathermac: okay bitch, listen up. i haven't unblocked you because i forgive you for being the world's loosest cunt nugget, but because i need to talk shit about veronica because she's being a piece of lego shit on the ground while im barefoot, and you're my only friend left, if i can even call you that.

zmurphy123: wow

zmurphy123: okay

zmurphy123: thats a lot to take in whats up

heathermac: veronica has the fucking nerve to call heather chandler a shitty person. THE GIRL ENDED HER OWN LIFE

zmurphy123: suicide is not a valid excuse to respect someone

zmurphy123: look at connor for example

heathermac: okay but connor was ACTUALLY a shitty person. heather was not. she was an angel.

zmurphy123: nobodys an angel heather

zmurphy123: you're smart enough to know that

heathermac: i'm not smart at all lmao

zmurphy123: what are you talking about?

heathermac: come on, i'm an idiot. it's not a big deal.

zmurphy123: youre not an idiot and thats a pretty big deal

zmurphy123: who told you you were?

heathermac: everyone. since like kindergarten. i was the dumb heather. i rarely understood sarcasm or inside jokes and i never paid attention in algebra so that's where i am now. i'm an idiot. and that's okay because i have other strengths, like my chest

zmurphy123: and youre clever as hell

zmurphy123: you figured shit out that i couldnt

zmurphy123: like connor did have some good in him

zmurphy123: i was just too blind to see it

heathermac: connor what?????

zmurphy123: he made evan happy

zmurphy123: he was a friend to evan

zmurphy123: and ive never seen evan have a friend before so that has to count for something

heathermac: does that mean you're not mad at him anymore???

zmurphy123: no but im not mad at him for the same reasons

zmurphy123: im mad that he said goodbye to nerdy mcgee and not to his sister

heathermac: zoe, i'm so sorry. i never considered that. if it makes you feel any better, heather just wrote a letter to the world. i have no idea how she felt about me.

zmurphy123: im sure she loved you heather

zmurphy123: it would have been hard not to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember how much i love comments and kudos??  
> pls  
> i have a family


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather reveals a secret of her past to her supportive new best friend. Mentions of sex and suicide and homophobia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> geez sorry this took so long!!!! i've been very busy and i'm going to see great comet on sunday so I've been freaking out about that. this chapter was really hard to write because it hit super close to home so i really hope you enjoy. very angsty. very.

sunday 1:56

heathermac: whats up?

zmurphy123: uh im in the car on the way to my brothers funeral how about you

heathermac: planning heather's. i'm in charge of figuring out what outfit she should be buried in.

zmuprhy123: im so sorry

zmurphy123: connors wearing a suit that we bought for weddings and bar mitzvahs and stuff

zmurphy123: i think he would have hated it

zmurphy123: but to be fair i don't know how he would have felt about anything

heathermac: i'm so sorry then. i'm looking at heather's wardrobe and nothing screams "funeral!!! i'm dead!!!!". like, she'd want something red, but there's nothing special about her red dresses. she's worn them a hundred times each.

zmurphy123: does she have a prom dress

heathermac: yeah i think she still has it. it'll be in the back of her closet. brb.

heathermac: found it! it's this deep red color that's darker than her usual outfits. i think it's perfect. after all, her soul is a bit darker than we thought. i think there's color symbolism here.

heathermac: idk i'm just rambling.

zmurphy123: no it makes sense

zmurphy123: im so happy that she has a friend like you to do all of this for her

heathermac: connor had a friend too. evan, right?

zmurphy123: yeah i guess

zmurphy123: i just wish his friend was me

zmurphy123: i wish he had gone to me before he died

heathermac: i wish heather had done the same thing

zmurphy123: heather?

heathermac: yeah?

zmurphy123: promise me that youll come to me before you die

zmurphy123: like

zmurphy123: if you want to take your own life promise youll come to me first

heathermac: i promise. and you?

zmurphy123: i promise.

 

sunday 6:34

zmurphy123: well that was exciting

heathermac: the funeral? was exciting?

zmurphy123: sarcasm

zmurphy123: it was awful

heathermac: oh, i'm so sorry zoe

zmurphy123: its okay youre gonna have it worse in a couple weeks or whenever

zmurphy123: you actually like your dead friend

zmurphy123: if connor was even that

heathermac: i don't know anymore.

zmurphy123: what?

heathermac: i've been thinking more and more about what veronica said. what if she really was a mythic bitch? what if it was blind to it all along? what if heather chandler was truly a bad person.

zmurphy123: heather bad people dont exist

heathermac: i know but if they did, i'm afraid heather would have been one of them.

zmurphy123: you can still mourn her and be sad over her death

zmurphy123: im learning that theres nothing wrong with that

zmurphy123: and theres nothing wrong with us

heathermac: no, i think there is something wrong with me. god has cursed me, i think.

zmurphy123: what do you mean

heathermac: did i ever tell you about the history between me and heather?

zmurphy123: no????

heathermac: oh uh

heathermac: about a year ago, heather and i were at a party and got really drunk and of course when two girls get drunk together surrounded by teenage boys, they end up making out, you know?

zmurphy123: not really i dont go to parties

zmurphy123: im a band geek remember

heathermac: oh yeah

zmurphy123: the only time ive had alcohal was champagne at my cousins wedding

heathermac: that's a sad life.

zmurphy123: continue

heathermac: right.

heathermac: so at like two am, i told her that i was in love with her. i was really drunk but im still pretty sure that was true and the wine coolers just gave me the courage to actually confess my feelings. 

heathermac: and she was all like "heather.... i'm straight" and i was all like "fuck me gently with a chainsaw i should have known that" and she was pretty sober by then because she's surprisingly lightweight and doesn't even drink that much because she's wittier and smarter when sober so she kisses me

zmurphy123: but you already had kissed so whats the big deal

zmurphy123: also "fuck me gently with a chainsaw" is very creative imma use that someday

heathermac: lol heather came up with it.

heathermac: anyway this kiss wasn't for the attention of boys and it wasn't sloppy and drunk and katy perry style, but was like slow and gentle as if she actually cared about me. she drove me to mcdonalds in her porshe to buy me chicken nuggets and coffee to sober me up and stuff.

zmurphy123: she has a porshe??

heathermac: had, technially. we're auctioning it off to raise money for a local orphanage. it's what she would have wanted.

zmurphy123: thats sweet

heathermac: so was the rest of the night. she told me that she was straight but it was more like she was telling herself that and trying to convince herself of that but then she kissed me again and it quickly escalated and basically i had sex with my now dead best friend in the porshe we're auctioning off for charity

zmurphy123: i really should have seen the end of that story coming, but i didnt

zmurphy123: but i dont understand

zmurphy123: why do you think shes a bad person all of a sudden

heathermac: well, the next day, she told me that it was a mistake and to not tell anyone and i was yelling and crying and asking why and if i wasn't good enough for her and she just yelled and yelled at me and id never seen her so angry and i wouldn't let it go because i was also struggling with accepting my sexuality at the time and she just

heathermac: to keep me in line, she told everyone at school that i was a lesbian

zmurphy123: oh my god

heathermac: i mean, it was nice to be out, but i should have been able to do it myself. i believe that i am entitled to the right to come out. and she shoved me out. god has cursed me by putting a girl in my life for me to fall in love with and for her to stab me in the back.

zmurphy123: but why are you just now upset about this?

heathermac: while you were at the funeral, i found a diary entry of hers. she wasn't very good at keeping a diary but there's a couple entries- nothing about her depression or anything though.

heathermac: anyway, she wrote about the next day at school. she didn't out me to keep me in line. she didn't do it to protect herself and hide her sexuality. she said she did it because she was pissed at herself for loving me back and she took it out on me.

heathermac: she loved me

heathermac: i could have fucking saved her. i really could have

heathermac: but she never gave me the chance

zmuprhy123: im so sorry

heathermac: me too, zoe

heathermac: me fucking too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "if you want to take your own life promise me you'll come to me first"  
> hmmmmm.... if only it was canon that heather mac attempts suicide... OH WAIT
> 
> also spoilers for next chapter, but there's gonna be two more deaths (and you don't even have to buy them a pizza)
> 
> i feed off of your comments and tears  
> feed me seymour


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather McNamara makes a grave mistake, as does Veronica. One results in the death of two friendships and the other results in the death of two boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in two days what the fuck  
> y'all can thank babygirlhayley for this because her comment got me all pumped up about writing this so here you go it's sorta short tho  
> also trigger WARNINGS BIG TIME alcohol, sex, RAPE, suicide, lots of suicide, homophobia.

the next monday (time has to pass okay) 8:23 am

heathermac: god, my head hurts.

zmurphy123: what happened

heathermac: heather's funeral was yesterday and i just couldn't stop crying and now i'm dehydrated

heathermac: the sleep after it was lit though

zmurphy123: im so sorry

zmurphy123: but yeah the depressed nap after is lit i agree

 

monday 11:38 pm

heathermac has unblocked you

heathermac: veronica????

howveryonica: Mac Hi I didn't expect you to text me What's up

heathermac: i'm really sorry about everything that happened between us

howveryonica: Really?

heathermac: yeah. i feel like shit and you were right. heather was a bitch.

howveryonica: what inspired this change in heart?

heathermac: i'm at her grave right now. can you come? i really need a friend.

howveryonica: What about duke

heathermac: duke's here, she's just not who i need right now. i need you.

howveryonica: Okay Say no more I'm on my way

 

tuesday 5:31 am

howveryonica has added you and h_duke to a group chat

howveryonica: So when are you two gonna apologize for being two ice cold bitches last night

h_duke: we were bitches?????? at least we werent sluts! you must be so ashamed of yourself.

howveryonica: Ashamed? What are you talking about

h_duke: well, after your little threeway last night.................;)

howveryonica: my wHAT

h_duke: i'm in shock too! i didn't think you would be able to handle kurt and ram at the same time! 8===D 8===D

howveryonica: What the fuck heather

h_duke: i mean, that's what /i/ saw. 

h_duke: and what the whole school thinks happened

howveryonica: You're kidding

h_duke: i don't kid, darling. welcome to my candy store!!!!

howveryonica: You're starting to sound an awful lot like chandler

h_duke: what can i say? westerburg needs a new queen bee and i was born to rule

howveryonica: Mac, back me up here Tell duke to stop being a fucking bitch

heathermac: maybe someone should tell you to stop being a fucking slut

howveryonica: Mac??? You know i didn't have sex with kurt or ram last night

heathermac: ... no i don't

howveryonica: I can't fucking believe this

howveryonica has blocked h_duke

howveryonica has blocked you

 

tuesday 7:38 am

heathermac: good news and bad news: good news is that veronica and i became friends again

zmurphy123: yay!

zmurphy123: whats the bad news

heathermac: we're not friends /now/. she's pissed at me because i'm spreading a rumor that she had a threeway with kurt and ram.

zmurphy123: um why would you do that

heathermac: because it's better that the school thinks veronica's a whore than i'm a bad person

zmurphy123: and why would they think you're a bad person

heathermac: no reason

zmurphy123: heather

heathermac: okay so kurt was going to rape me again but worse so i called on veronica to save me

zmurphy123: oh

zmurphy123: that doesnt sound bad

heathermac: thats what i thought, but veronica says that it was 'volunteering her for date rape instead'

zmurphy123: did you

heathermac: well yeah but like i said, i was calling on her to save me

zmurphy123: heather thats awful

zmurphy123: why cant you see that

heathermac: because i don't want to

zmurphy123: okay but youre gonna have to at some point

zmurphy123: heather?

zmurphy123: hello??????

 

wednesday 7:00

heathermac: i'm gonna fucking hurl

heathermac: oh my god

zmurphy123: what

zmurphy123: is it veronica

heathermac: no worse

zmurphy123: chandler

heathermac: KURT AND RAM KILLED THEMSELVES IN A HOMOSEXUAL SUICIDE PACT

zmurphy123: oh my god

heathermac: i know right

heathermac: the last guy i have sex with turned out to be gay for his teammate. which is a pun in itself because they /played on the same team/.

zmurphy123: wait did you have sex with kurt again since the party

heathermac: yeah, before veronica showed up on monday. but i consented so i think it's okay.

zmurphy123: we can talk about that another time

zmurphy123: how are you feeling

heathermac: like shit. the last guy i slept with and heather chandler are both dead and gay.

zmurphy123: heather

zmurphy123: we made a promise to each other

zmurphy123: how are you feeling

heathermac: you know the answer to that

zmurphy123: yeah i do

zmurphy123: but i need you to tell me

heathermac: i'm feeling suicidal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i float in a boat  
> in a raging black ocean  
> begging for comments  
> with nowhere to go  
> the tiniest archive  
> of our own


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She floats in a boat and it just might sink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all KNOW WHAT IT ISSSS  
> this was probably the hardest and most fun chapter to write including a TRANSCRIPT OF A PHONECALL bc due to popular demand, y'all wanted to see the lifeboat scene and aftermath pan out.  
> HELLA TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE OKAY ITS PRETTY GRAPHICISH AND INTENSE AND IF YOU CANT HANDLE ANY SUICIDE PLEASE DON'T READ THIS OKAY

wednesday 7:26 am

zmurphy123: okay heather im here take a deep breath talk to me

heathermac: i dont know what to say

heathermac: forget it

zmurphy123: no talk to me

zmurphy123: heather

zmurphy123: heather

zmurphy123: HEATHER

zmurphy123: I SWEAR TO GOD TEXT ME BACK

zmurphy123: FUCK

 

wednesday 7:31 am

zmurphy123: veronica do you know where heather mcnamara is

howveryonica: Yeah Shes in the cafeteria with me There's this gathering we have to attend to talk about our emotions as if anyone is going to do that

howveryonica: Oh no

zmurphy123: we know exactly who is going to do that

howveryonica: She wouldn't....

zmurphy123: she just told me she was suicidal and she absolutely would

howveryonica: They'll crucify her

zmurphy123: tell her to keep her mouth shut!!!

howveryonica: I can't We're starting Ms. Fleming is doing some chant about shining lights to cleanse our auras

zmurphy123: dammit

howveryonica: BITCH THEY'RE TAKING OUR PHONES TO DECLENSE THE BAD VIBES OF SOCIAL MEDIA

howveryonica: FLEMING BOUT TO CATCH THESE HANDS

howveryonica: Do people still say that?

zmurphy123: no idea

zmurphy123: bye i guess im calling heather

 

wednesday 8:04 am

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123.

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

You have missed a call from zmurphy123. 

Connected! You are talking to zmurphy123.

Zoe Murphy: Heather, you're scaring me super bad right now. I'm skipping school right now, that's how worried I am. (There is silence on the line.) Heather? Heather?

Heather McNamara: (Noticeably distressed, her voice cracks.) I'm here. I'm still here. (She sounds disappointed and exasperated. She sniffles.)

Zoe Murphy: And that's what's important, do you understand that?

Heather McNamara: (She sniffles again.) No.

Zoe Murphy: (She doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know how to deal with this, and she hesitates. She thinks of her brother. Would she have known what to say to him if he had called? She doubts it.) Veronica told me that you're having some sort of get together at your school? Did you talk about your emotions?

Heather McNamara: (She bursts into tears, sobbing on the phone. There is a clink and the bawling seems more distant. She has placed the phone on the shelf under a mirror in her school bathroom. She stares into her eyes. She wonders what they would look like lifeless.) Yeah. I just talked and talked and rambled on about a lifeboat or some shit, like I'm drowning and nobody can save me. Not my friends or my parents or a girl on the internet.

Zoe Murphy: (She wonders if calling the cops would help. She feels pity and pain growing in her chest, creeping down her stomach.) Heather. You are worth so much more than you know. Yes, Heather left you. Connor left me. People leave every day. Sometimes forever. Sometimes we don't know. But I do know, Heather, that I never want you to leave me. Not again. Not for a week. Not forever. Please, Heather. Please. (She has begun to cry, soft tears dripping down her cheeks. She realizes how much she cares for Heather.)

Heather McNamara: (Her hands shake. The sound of pills clanging against the sides of a plastic bottle echos through the bathroom and into the phone. The bottle won't open.) One person isn't enough. I wasn't enough for Heather and Evan wasn't enough for Connor and Kurt and Ram weren't enough for each other. We all end up dead. Why not skip the lifetime of hurt? Why not end it now?

Zoe Murphy: (She doesn't recognize the sound of pills. She doesn't know what to say. Guilt bubbles in her soul. She is relieved that Connor never went to her. She would not have been able to save him. She doesn't know how to save someone from their own mind.) I.... I d-don't know, Heather. I could say 'for the people in our lives we can't leave' or 'for the good parts of life' but that's not going to help you. There is nothing that I can say that can help you. If I were there, I would push the pills out of your hand and take you shoe shopping. But from the phone, I don't know what to do. I don't know if there's anything I can do. Stay in your lifeboat, Heather.

Heather McNamara: (She pops the lid off the bottle successfully. She smiles into her reflection, at what she believes is her final victory in life. She tilts her head back.) It doesn't matter if I stay in the boat if it's sinking. 

Zoe Murphy: Heather-

Heather McNamara: (She pours the bottle into her mouth, praying for the pills to trickle down her throat. A door swings open and a girl starts yelling, shoving harshly against Heather. Heather's hands flail, knocking her cellphone, which had been a spare because she's rich and Fleming took everyone's phones, against the tile. It crashes.)

You have been disconnected from heathermac. Call time: 15:37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope this wasn't triggering for anyone or hopeless. part of this was written off personal experience (me being zoe) and its really hard in the situation but there are good things and life and good people and stuff so its all wrong sorry bye


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Heather briefly discuss new updates in their own lives as they realize how much of their lives intertwine and rely on each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE RETURNED  
> im so sorry this took so long- school has been crazy but i hope to wrap this up before like december  
> there's a new ship in here which ill discuss at the end but no spoilers here  
> trigger warnings bc suicide

wednesday 8:15 pm

zmurphy123: veronica

zmurphy123: i waited as long as i could before texting you

zmurphy123: i didnt want to worry you

howveryonica: Oh it's fine I get it Don't worry

zmurphy123: how is she

howveryonica: She's going to be fine Her mom is keeping her in the hospital overnight just in case there's a problem But she didn't manage to swallow any pills Do you know about that About the pills?

zmurphy123: yeah i was on the phone with her when it happened

zmurphy123: all i heard was a shriek and the phone dropped

howveryonica: That was me I startled her by accident when I ran in

zmurphy123: do you think shell attempt again

howveryonica: No I don't I think she's gotten it out of her system which isn't how it usually works but I have faith

zmurphy123: faith can be very dangerous

howveryonica: Do you have any experience behind that 

zmurphy123: i have faith in this boy

zmurphy123: but i dont know how strong it is

zmurphy123: ive been talking to this girl, alana, and she thinks that evans lying about knowing connor

howveryonica: That's very possible

zmurphy123: its likely even and that terrifies me

zmurphy123: we kissed

zmurphy123: i feel weird telling you this

zmurphy123: can you give heather your phone

howveryonica: Yeah

howveryonica: ZOE HI

zmurphy123: HEATHER YOURE OKAY

howveryonica: im sorta sedated???? its very cold in here but yeah im all good. sorry about freaking you out and everything

zmurphy123: id freak out a million times more for you

zmurphy123: speaking of freaking out

zmurphy123: evan and i sorta kissed

howveryonica: WHAT WHERE WHEN WHY

zmurphy123: it was slow and natural but it was on connor's bed so i feel sorta bad

howveryonica: thats not bad i had sex on heather's grave

zmurphy123: you what

howveryonica: ... duke was lonely okay and frankly so was i. its okay heather would have shipped it

zmurphy123: uh what about your crush

howveryonica: i dont see it going anywhere

zmurphy123: im sorry

howveryonica: its okay i know she cares about me

zmurphy123: she really does

zmurphy123: i cant help but wonder if evan cares for me

howveryonica: yeah veronica told me that he might be lying????? tell me about alana can we trust her

zmurphy123: yeah absolutely

zmurphy123: weve been friends since kindergarten but barely talk because we're in different classees every year

zmurphy123: and she was sort of the class nerd in like middle school but now shes sorta popular

zmurphy123: and shes really pretty

zmurphy123: she has these pretty braids that sway when she walks

zmurphy123: and she scrunches up her nose when she laughs which makes her glasses fall off sometimes

howveryonica: uh zoe

zmurphy123: yeah?

howveryonica: thats uh pretty gay

zmurphy123: no its not

zmurphy123: i just see her and want to be her because then boys will look at me in a natural beauty sort of way

zmurphy123: and then i'd have like super soft kissable lips without even applying chapstick every five minutes

howveryonica: you look at her lips????

zmurphy123:.... yes

howveryonica: in a totally heterosexual way??????

zmurphy123:....

zmurphy123: no

howveryonica: ZOE HAS A GIRL CRUSH ZOE HAS A GIRL CRUSH

zmurphy123: IM NOT SAYING THAT

zmurphy123: IM JUST SAYING THAT SHES A SINGLE AND KNOWN LESBIAN

zmurphy123: AND I WOULD APPRECIATE HER TONGUE IN MY MOUTH

zmurphy123: and her hands like on my waist

howveryonica: GO FOR IT

zmurphy123: theres nothing to go for

zmurphy123: im straight

howveryoncia: theres nothing wrong with experimenting. leave evan behind and go after cute lesbian

zmurphy123: which one

zmurphy123: OH ALANA

howveryonica: how many cute lesbians do you know

zmurphy123: two but one of them lives miles and miles away

howveryonica:..... zoe, im okay with your new sexuality discovery, but uh.... im straight and it makes me uncomfortable when you flirt with me????? like im flattered but youre not my type... i like boys

zmurphy123: what

howveryonica: that physically hurt me to type

zmurphy123: speaking of hurt

zmurphy123: how ru doing

howveryonica: better. i dont need people or friends or big things to stay alive. just little things. when the pills were in my mouth, my life flashed before my eyes like they say it does, but it wasnt my life. it was the life that i didnt live.

zmurphy123: what

howveryonica: i saw all the stuff i still want to do. meet you. win the national cheer championship. go to college. see marina and the diamonds in concert. be prom queen. i cant die before i do all this stuff.

zmurphy123: im on the list?

howveryonica: you'll always be on my list

zmurphy123: at the top?

howveryonica: at the very top.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ME???? MAKING EVERYONE A LIL BIT GAY????? ABSOLUTELY  
> (when deh only supplies two single female characters in the same age range.... there's only so many options for wlw.... and by that i mean one because obvs I'm not shipping heidi with one of them and cynthia's married and an adult so)  
> (why does deh have so few female characters)  
> (fun fact: i actually don't like deh at all i just like zoe and think she could be super interesting across from heather)  
> (and she's bisexual now)  
> IM NOT SURE WHAT ENDGAME IS GONNA BE BC ITS GONNA BE:  
> A) Mcnamawyer and Zolana  
> B) Zolana and Macduke (if Veronica wants to be alone after JD happens)  
> or (one of my personal faves)  
> C) McNaMurphy  
> idk if ill take ur opinions into consideration but tell me them anyway


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe learns the truth about Connor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SHORT IM SORRY BUT ITS REALLY FUCKING GAY  
> suicide trigger warnings!!!!!! and also I'm bitter about the deh fanbase and it shows

friday 11:35 pm

zmurphy123: DAMN IT

zmurphy123: FUCK MY LIFE

heathermac: what??????????

zmurphy123: evan confessed

zmurphy123: he lied

zmurphy123: he never knew connor

heathermac: THAT GODDAMN BITCH. IM COMING. IMMA FUCK HIM UP

zmurphy123: its okay i yelled at him lowkey

zmurphy123: its just

zmurphy123: connor was awful and had no redemption really

zmurphy123: connor was the shitty kid i knew

zmurphy123: nobody saw him ever be nice

heathermac: what the fuck why did evan do this to you??? this is straight up manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse what the actual fuck

zmurphy123: anxiety, apparently

heathermac: thats not a valid reason???? lots of people are mentally ill but that doesnt mean we get to fuck up other people's lives and say "IM MENTALLY ILL" to justify it. this is so fucked what the fuck.

zmurphy123: i know

zmurphy123: and to think, if this was some sort of movie or something, there'd be a million online fangirls calling evan their smol anxious son

zmurphy123: god, they'd probably ship him with connor

zmurphy123: and call connor their innocent bean child

zmurphy123: *looks into the camera like shes on the office*

zmurphy123: anyway

zmurphy123: this is f u c k e d

heathermac: at least you have alana now

zmurphy123: oh yeah

zmurphy123: she kissed me

heathermac: IM SORRY SHE W H A T

zmurphy123: i went to her house after evan confessed and i just cried and cried and i stopped for a moment so she lifted up my head, stained with tears and just softly kissed me

zmurphy123: it wasnt serious or sexual or like melting but it was soft and gentle and kind

heathermac: thats the cutest shit ive ever read in my life excuse me

zmurphy123: so you've really given up on veronica?

heathermac: i dont know. its weird. she's seen a side of me that i didnt even know i had, you know, in the bathroom. i dont know if she can look at me without seeing pity or some mental illness that isn't my personality. like i was diagnosed with depression at the hospital but i want her to see me as "heather" and not "depression" you know???

zmurphy123: that makes sense

zmurphy123: maybe you should talk to her

heathermac: nah

zmurphy123: alana and i talked for hours on her bed, just talking

zmurphy123: not even just about evan or connor, just talking

zmurphy123: she told me the names of her webkinz, her first crushes, when she knew she was gay

zmurphy123: and i told her that i love to bake, why i doodle stars on my jeans, and that i really liked her

heathermac: and???

zmurphy123: we have a date tomorrow at burger king

heathermac: T H A T S G A Y

zmurphy123: i know! i have butterflies in my stomach just thinking about her. shes just so pretty and nice and she babbles on about things that she thinks i dont care about and i just listen because the sound of her voice is like a song and im just memorizing her features and her laugh

heathermac: why do you have to memorize them?

zmurphy123: in case she disappears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as cute as mcnamurphy would be, i love alana too much to leave her single and also mcnamawyer will forever be my favorite ship  
> (about the author: she and her girlfriend, who were LITERALLY mcnamara and veronica, have recently broken up so mcnanamwyer hurts a little bit but i will never. stop. shipping. it.)  
> ill write more soon!!!! i have to start prepping for nanowrimo but i love my gay daughters.  
> also the next chapter... is gonna be a blast.... ;)


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veronica confesses two things to Heather McNamara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someday i will update regularly.... today is not that day but to make up for that i gave you some pretty solid angst and happiness so here you go enjoy

friday 4:55 pm

heathermac: UM ZOE

heathermac: RESPOND NOW

zmurphy123: whats up????

heathermac: THAT JD KID

heathermac: THE ONE THAT VERONICA LIKED

zmurphy123: yeah????

heathermac: TRIED TO B L O W U P T H E S C H O O L AND D I E D

zmurphy123: ...what?

heathermac: his dad owns some kind of like bomb company and he stole a bunch of them and apparently put them all around the gym. school is cancelled for at least two weeks while they get rid of all of them. 

zmurphy123: why didnt he get away with it?

heathermac: veronica

heathermac: she took the main bomb (that would set off all the little bombs) into the football field and planned on taking herself with it

zmurphy123: SHE WAS GONNA WHAT

heathermac: I KNOW but then jd showed up and took the bomb from her and just blew himself up and then she came back to the school covered in like soot and shit and we all just looked at her for a while and then she said that "the war is over" and "we're all damaged and broken but we're gonna be nice to each other now" and asked martha dunnstock to hang out with her

zmurphy123: are you telling me that you had a fourth suicide this year

heathermac:... yes?

zmurphy123: and i thought my school was crazy for having one

zmurphy123: what now?

heathermac: veronica's texting me when she gets her phone back- she's at the hospital right now. i'm not allowed to visit yet because i'm only a friend and not her family, but she'll be okay.

zmurphy123: im so sorry

 

friday 5:17 pm

howveryonica: Hey

heathermac: HI HOW ARE YOU

heathermac: sorry that was enthusiastic

howveryonica: It's okay I have to talk to you about something Can you call me?

heathermac: yeah totally

Connected! You are talking to howveryonica.

Heather McNamara: Veronica?

Veronica Sawyer: (She lets out a quiet sigh of relief.) Hey. Today's been quite the adventure, hasn't it?

Heather McNamara: That's one way to put it. How are you doing?

Veronica Sawyer: Not as bad as JD. (There's a pause.) Sorry, that was super insensitive. I just make jokes to deal with trauma.   
Heather McNamara: That's okay. I just have a really big question but I don't want to seem like I'm pressuring you, you know?

Veronica Sawyer: Yeah, totally. Shoot.

Heather McNamara: (She takes a deep breath.) Why did you take the bomb? Why didn't you just leave it there?

Veronica Sawyer: My lifeboat was sinking, Heather.   
Heather McNamara: (Her words speed up.) But why? Mine was sinking because of Heather and Kurt and Ram, but why yours? Why didn't you tell me? Why couldn't I help?

Veronica Sawyer: Because I'm the reason your lifeboat popped. I stuck a pin in it and I'm so, so sorry.

Heather McNamara: Okay, these similes are getting pretty confusing. What are you talking about?

Veronica Sawyer: (Her voice breaks, as two tears roll down her face and she prepares for the worst.) You have to promise not to tell anybody. I mean it. Just, let me explain. Promise?

Heather McNamara: (She does not hesitate.) I promise.

Veronica Sawyer: I killed Heather and Kurt and Ram.

Heather McNamara: No, you didn't. We all felt like that, like we were the reason they killed-

Veronica Sawyer: (She cuts Heathers off.) No, I gave Heather Chandler the drain cleaner and I shot Ram and I watched Kurt get shot. I can forge handwriting. I went over to give Heather Chandler a hangover cure and beg for her forgiveness after Ram's party, but JD poured drain cleaner in the cup and I didn't know about it and I gave it to her and she drank it and he told me to make it look like a suicide and I did. (No noise comes from the other line.) And then after Ram and Kurt spread that horrible rumor about me, JD convinced me to stage a failed suicide attempt with them as two gay lovers. He said the bullets were fake and I shot Ram with a big (She pauses, disgusted with her words and actions.) smile on my face, but when JD missed and started to chase Kurt through the woods with his gun, I knew that they were real bullets and he was covering up the tracks. (Again, she waits for Heather to speak but no noise comes from the other line.) So when JD told me that he was blowing up the school, I shot his finger off and took the bomb to the football field, where it would only hurt me. He managed to arrive and told me that I had a chance at being a good person and that I needed to go back. And I ran back to you because you taught me how to be a good person and I need you. 

Heather McNamara: (Her voice is soft, but there's no evidence of crying in her tone. This isn't to say that tears weren't streaming down her face as she buried screams in her soul.) So you never knew that you were killing anybody?

Veronica Sawyer: No. JD lied to me and I continued to believe him. He told me he was changing after we killed Heather Chandler but he lied and I believed him and Heather, (She sobs for a moment, taking a breath.) I'm so sorry.

Heather McNamara: I have another question.

Veronica Sawyer: Shoot. (She realizes her poor word choice.) Sorry. Ask away.

Heather McNamara: Why did you save me?   
Veronica Sawyer: Because you deserved to be saved.

Heather McNamara: (She takes a moment to search for the right phrasing.) You didn't do it just to make sure there wasn't another death on your conscience? You actually care about me?

Veronica Sawyer: Heather, I gave JD that bomb for you. I have never cared for anyone more. You are the one I chose.

Heather McNamara: One more question?

Veronica Sawyer: Go ahead.

Heather McNamara: Do you love me?

Veronica Sawyer: More than I could ever imagine.

Heather McNamara: (She allows herself to release a small noise, something between a shriek and a cry.) Perfect, because I love you more than I could have ever planned. (The girls giggle at their own revelations.)

Veronica Sawyer: One sec- Yes? (There's a murmur in the background, followed by a small beep.) Just a mo- Heather, I have to go, they have more tests. Bye.

Heather McNamara: Goodbye, lo-

You have been disconnected from howveryonica. Call time: 9:22.

 

friday 5:26

heathermac: you will not believed what just happened.

zmurphy123: what??? 

zmurphy123: what'd she say????

heathermac: i can't tell you. i'm sworn to secrecy, and that means you. but she told me that she loved me. more than she could ever imagine. i've never known someone out there who loves me.

zmurphy123: i love you

heathermac: yeah, but its different. we've never met.

zmurphy123: its still love. do you not love me?

heathermac: i mean, i don't know. i don't think i can tell that from the internet.

zmurphy123: whats the point in friendship without love or a chance at forming a genuine human connection

zmurphy123: am i just someone to vent to

zmurphy123: just a name on a screen

heathermac: im not saying that.

zmurphy123: thats what im hearing

zmurphy123 has blocked you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im reaching a close!!!!! i'm planning out three more chapters (it could be two but 12 is a better number than 11) and then we're done! a finished work! shock!  
> pls comments  
> also follow me on tumblr @goldenheartprincess


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana and Veronica have to talk some sense into their girlfriends, who are fighting again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: q slur  
> i have the rest of this shit PLANNED YALL ARE GONNA CRY and im probably finishing this whole shabang this weekend  
> (a peek into my life: my parents are celebrating 20 years of marriage together and im in virginia rn preparing for them to renew their vows!! i live in new york so this is very exciting! im spending a lot of time writing though)

friday 6:48 pm

zmurphy123: do you think that two people can establish a genuine connection online?

beckalana: What do you mean?

zmurphy123: i told you about my internet friend, heather, and shes saying that she cant tell if she loves me (platonically of course) from just the internet

beckalana: I suppose she has a point- most of the time people need physical interaction to create strong bonds. Touching creates more feelings of love.

zmurphy123: have you ever been in love

zmurphy123: if its okay to ask

beckalana: It's fine, Zoe. I've never been in love, no. Have you?

zmurphy123: i thought, for a second, that i loved evan

zmurphy123: that was stupid now that i look back on it

zmurphy123: i was so blind

beckalana: We all were. We all believed him. I'm still running The Connor Project, but it sort of sickens me. We've done all of this work to save an orchard that means nothing to everyone. We could have been saving actual lives.

zmurphy123: i never thought of that

beckalana: I wish we could spend the money on something important.

zmurphy123: i wish you were next to me right now

zmurphy123: i really, really like you alana

zmurphy123: ive never really liked a girl before, but i never really let myself either

zmurphy123: i would tell myself that im an ally, just a really good ally, but i was one of the straight ones

zmurphy123: but i cant say that i feel that way anymore

beckalana: Every queer woman has felt that way. If one thing was true about The Connor Project, it's that you are not alone. I'm not sure if I like the way that we phrased it; how 'someone will come running'. We're placing the responsibility on someone else, not ourselves, to run and save someone. Jared wrote that much.

zmurphy123: what would you have written?

beckalana: You are not alone; I am running to your side.

zmurphy123: are you?

beckalana: I'll never stop.

firday 3:43

heathermac: you really do love me right??? this isn't just some big joke?

howveryonica: Of course I do Why

heathermac: i just dont know what love is, i don't think

howveryonica: What do you mean

heathermac: zoe and i got into another fight

howveryonca: Damn, you two fight a ton

heathermac: yeah the more fights we have the more conflict it creates and the further we can move on in the story and develop as characters

howveryonica: What

heathermac: what

heathermac: anyway so she told me that she loves me and that it's totally possible to love someone without meeting them

howveryonica: Do you think you'd love me if we only met online

heathermac: i don't know

howveryonica: Do you think looks factor into it or something

heathermac; no, of course not, i just think that maybe there's a certain physical aspect required in all relationships: even friendships, just because humans are naturally social and shit

howveryonica: That was very knowledgeable heather I'm impressed

heathermac: thanks don't ask how i know that shit

heathermac: do you think i'm wrong

howveryonica: T think you need to consider the possibility that you are yeah

heathermac: fuck im gonna have to apologize aren't i

howveryonica: All your life, heather Text her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love breaking the fourth wall  
> also i feel like alana would have wanted a "hip cool online name" and go for Beckalana which is just her first and last name switched


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Heather ignite a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ur all spoiled i have updated so much today  
> last chapter might take a bit bc it has to be perfect

monday 4:00 am

heathermac: zoe

heathermac: text me back i know you're alive

heatermac: im blocked aren't i

heathermac: i forgot about that

 

monday 6:23 am

zmurphy123 has unblocked you

zmurphy123: hey heather

zmurphy123: im sorry

zmurphy123: i should have listened to you

heathermac: me too

heathermac: lets just put it behind us

zmurphy123: have you personally ever been able to just put a conflict behind you

heathermac: well, no

zmurphy123: exactly

zmurphy123: we have to talk about this

heathermac: or, we could avoid our problems and pray they don't fester into something bigger that we do have to pay attention to!!!

zmurphy123: ...

heathermac: i was talking to veronica and she made a good point. i want to let you know that physical appearance or whatever (because everyone looks different in person in some way) isn't what i'm afraid of or anything. i'm not that shallow.

zmurphy123: i know

zmurphy123: alana told me about how humans need touch to feel connected

zmurphy123: which sort of makes sense

zmurphy123: so maybe i dont know what love is yet

heathermac: i think i do.

zmurphy123: i hope you do

zmurphy123: i hope veronica treats you well and never leaves you

zmurphy123: i hope you never fight and you never cry because of her

heathermac: its a high school relationship. we're bound to break up. at least when we graduate, if not sooner.

zmurphy123: and when it ends, ill be there for you

zmurphy123: when the rain starts to pour

zmurphy123: ill be there for you

heathermac: are you singing the friends theme song

zmurphy123: like ive been there before

heathermac: ILL BE THERE FOR YOU

zmurphy123: CAUSE YOU'RE THERE FOR ME TOOOOOOO

heathermac: OOOooooOoOoOOoooOO

zmurphy123: perfect

heathermac: *clap clap clap clap*

zmurphy123: so how are we gonna figure out if were friends or not

zmurphy123: how can we tell if we love each other

zmurphy123: platonically

heathermac: i dont know

heathermac: i wanna board a plane or something cheesy like that to see you, but with all of the recent tragedies, my parents refuse to let me leave the house. my dad is even pulling back some of my allowance so i stop 'putting my happiness into objects'.

zmurphy123: that is very cheesy

zmurphy123: however, i think i have an idea

heathermac: what a dangerous concept

heathermac: WAIT YOURE NOT GONNA KILL YOURSELF RIGHT

zmurphy123: nope, never

zmurphy123: i can promise you that

heathermac: so what's your idea

zmurphy123: give me a minute

 

monday 6:45 am

zmurphy123: alana

beckalana: Yeah?

zmurphy123: i have an idea for our first date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its super obvious where this is going but IM SO EXCITED


	12. Chapter Twelve: The Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five deaths. Four smoothies. Three fights. Two girls. One love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you aint ready for this lemme tell you  
> TRIGGER WARNING SUICIDE MENTIONS A LOT OF THEM OKAY BE WARNED

Heather McNamara stood in a public bathroom, not unlike the one that she had almost ended her life in just weeks before. She ran her fingers through her bleached blonde hair, gazing at her unusually pale reflection in the smudge mirror. She felt sick, smoothing every inch of her yellow sundress before emerging back into the wild, better known as the train station.

Businesswoman and busy husbands ran over each other and blown air newspapers, talking feverishly on their phones. Young artists strolled by with headphones blaring something with enough bass to wake up a deaf child. Announcements repeated over each other until every word from various Hollywood actresses paid enough to sell their souls were etched into Heather's mind.

She took a slow step into the world, high on her own excitement and focusing carefully on the tiles below her new kitten heels. Somewhere, behind one of these doors, she would fall in love. Not in the sort of "sweep me off my feet and kiss me in the rain" sort of love, but more like "throw goldfish crackers in my mouth at 3 am while we share a blanket and talk about girls". They would be best friends until they day they died, if they fell in this kind of love, and for that possibility to come true? That terrified her.

Zoe Murphy traced the stars around the folds of her jeans as her girlfriend took her hand and held it gently, a calm reminder that there was an eye in this storm. Alana even did the thing where she rubbed her thumb in circles against Zoe's skin. The girls, who were not quite in love themselves, wanted nothing more than to be near each other in any way possible.

The train jolted to a stop as angry moms and disappointed choir girls stepped onto the concrete platform. The pair of young sapphics held hands and backpacks, before Alana stopped at a railing. She dug through her bag to pull out her camcorder, just as they had discussed. She had planned every detail.

Thank God, or Zoe would have gotten lost back in Nevada somewhere and considering they didn't even cross through Nevada, that would have been quite the impressive feat. 

"How are you feeling?" Alana asked, zipping her bag back up and slinging it over her shoulder. She hit the record button and aimed the lense at her girlfriend.

Zoe took a deep breath. "Excited. I'm about to meet my best friend." She tapped her fingers against her jeans, rehearsing what to say over and over again, changing the words every time.

The camera turned off. "How are you really feeling?"

"Terrified. What if I hate her?"

"You won't."

Turning the camera back on in one hand with Zoe's sweaty palm in the other, Alana followed the signs up to the center of the station, as if they all read "Heather McNamara, on the right!" in a decorative font. They turned into the food court, the predetermined meeting spot, nerves on fire.

"Zoe?"

She turned her head to face the blonde, dressed in the same pale lemon color that flashed on her screen whenever a new message came in, usually a sign of hope or disaster with very rare moments in between. Dropping her bag to the ground, she ran to greet the girl, wrapping her in the tightest hug, feeling tears of happiness well in her eyes for the first time in years. 

In that moment, with this girl that had shaped her life in ways she never could have imagined from the moment she hit "Follow" in her arms, Zoe found the answer to the question she had been asked for a year.

"Zoe, I don't know you, but I'm feeling very sad. What would you have told Connor to save him if he was alive?"

"I didn't fall, I let go. Why shouldn't I have?"

"We all end up dead. Why not skip the lifetime of hurt? Why not end it now?"

It was the most cliche of answers, which almost drew Zoe to enjoy its complexity even more. It was the truthful answer, and the truth was a virtue that she learned to demand out of life. It was simple and pure and the only way to measure a successful existence.

Love.

She would have told Connor that even if he couldn't find the strength to love her, that there was enough love in the world for him and from him that he should have stuck around a little longer to feel it.

She would have told Evan that you hold on to the branch to see the trees below until there's someone to enjoy it with you and even when there's not, especially when there's not, you enjoy the sights alone because you love the trees and that's enough.

She would have told Heather that you can't end it, because there is so much more love in the world than pills in that bottle. Love was something you felt, a jolt in your heart that came every one in a blue moon, and it would bring you back to life. 

As Zoe wrapped Heather in her arms, smelling her Taylor Swift perfume and feeling her cotton dress, she felt a revival in her soul that she thought was pure fiction for her entire life.

"I love you," Heather said, her eyes crinkling in pure ecstasy as she giggled ever so softly. 

Zoe laughed. "I love you too."

Alana turned off the camera, as a girl in a navy blue sweater brought four strawberry smoothies to the table they had claimed for their own. "I missed it? You have got to be kidding me!" she said, taking a seat with two strangers and a love of her own.

"It's okay, you can watch it online starting tomorrow." Alana smiled at the girl she

assumed to be Veronica. "It'll be on my brand new Youtube channel, The Zoe Project."

"What exactly is The Zoe Project?" Veronica asked, sipping her smoothie.

Heather gave Zoe a small squeeze, with a smile that refused to leave her face. "Other than the perfect excuse to buy two train tickets."

"There are many organizations out there to help and support people who experience suicidal tendencies or thoughts," Alana explained. "There's the Trevor Project, the AFSP, and a number of hotlines. The Connor Project, we realized, was nothing more than a publicity stunt, something to put on college applications, and a path to our fifteen minutes of fame. So The Zoe Project is for the survivors; those who have lost someone close to them. Sort of like Make-a-Wish, we raise funds to give those left behind a way to feel love. However they think they can feel the most love, we'll give it to them."

"Is it working?" Veronica turned to Zoe. Alana pulled out her camera again, as the more footage they had, the more funds they could raise and the more love they could spread.

"For me, the most love I could imagine was holding my best friend for the first time," Zoe said, gazing at Heather. "The Zoe Project gave me a new hope that I didn't have before. I still grieve the loss of my brother, but I hope to make that process easier for others. If you or anyone you love is at risk of taking their life, please call 1-800-273-8255 if you need to talk to someone." The number had been embedded into her mind over the last year. 

"And who is your best friend?" Alana panned the camera to Heather, who giggled behind her hands.

"My name is Heather McNamara," she replied. "And I'm going to be super honest for a second, so like, zoom in or something. So I tried to kill myself about six months ago. I stood in my school bathroom. I have been just as helpless as many of you feel. And look at me now! Whatever you are feeling, it will pass. You've heard it before, but maybe my smiling face will be the proof you need."

"That was beautiful, Heather." Veronica sniffled.

Heather flushed. "You're beautiful."

"A toast," Alana took her smoothie and raised it to eye level. "To the Zoe Project, new girlfriends, and to the ever-present feeling of love."

"Hear, hear!" The girls chimed in.

"May it carry our lifeboats home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a journey this fic has been. Both for the characters and for me. I really hope you enjoyed this work and will consider checking out some of my other stuff (that may or may not be finished someday).
> 
> About this chapter: Other than chapter six, this was my favorite one to write. To finally give my girls happy gay endings??? Whoa.
> 
> If you've been waiting to write a long review, now is the time. Tell me all of your thoughts and feelings! I'll melt!
> 
> Remember, I take requests! You can comment them or send them to my Tumblr (goldenheartprincess) and I'll probably do them eventually. I'll love them. Forever. And if you have headcannons or prompts directly related to DHM, I would cry. That's awesome. Validate me. Please.

**Author's Note:**

> You made it through! Thank you for reading, I genuinely appreciate it. If this is your first time through, whoa, that's so cool, I hope you liked it! If you're a returning guest, I probably love you and thank you for supporting me.  
> You can follow my Tumblr @goldenheartprincess and my Twitter @ohmyenchantress.


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